Dr Sunil Raheja

We have looked at the area of servant leadership and how leaders add value by serving others through the Law of Addition. In the business world this is shown by the example of the level 5 leader. However, to dig deeper we need to understand what has been called the art of the basin and towel. The best example of this comes from the life of Jesus in John’s Gospel chapter 13. In this chapter one of the last acts of Christ before He went to die on the cross was to wash his disciples’ feet.

This incredible act of love powerfully illustrates the law of addition. We can see this from Jesus’ actions in that passage, using the Message translation of the original Greek:

1. He was motivated by  genuine love to serve others.

Just before the Passover Feast, Jesus knew that the time had come to leave this world to go to the Father. Having loved his dear companions, he continued to love them right to the end. It was suppertime. The Devil by now had Judas, son of Simon the Iscariot, firmly in his grip, all set for the betrayal. (13:1-2)

Jesus was in complete control of his circumstances. He wanted to show His disciples the full extent of His love, even to Judas who He knew would betray Him.

2. He was secure enough within Himself to serve others.

Jesus knew that the Father had put him in complete charge of everything, that he came from God and was on his way back to God. (13:3)

Jesus was able to show He could serve others because He was secure and confident about who He was apart from a title or formal role. He was conscious of people and not position. His primary motive was to give and not to gain.

When I am secure in myself then I will stretch myself to take on great tasks. But at the same time if I am secure in myself I will also humble myself and stoop down to to take on what others may perceive as trivial tasks that are beneath me. That is what Jesus could do with washing the disciples’ feet. Interestingly, this is also the attitude of the level 5 leader.

3. He was able to proactively initiate service.

So he got up from the supper table, set aside his robe, and put on an apron. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the feet of the disciples, drying them with his apron. (13:4-5).

In that time and culture there was an expectation for a servant to be around to do this menial job – but it was Jesus who deliberately chose to take it on! He did not rest on His greatness, but used his His greatness as the reason to serve. Jesus had nothing to prove to anyone; He did not have to guard His reputation or fear He might lose His popularity; He had nothing to hide and so cold be vulnerable and transparent.

4. He was able to patiently keep in two-way relationship with others.

When He got to Simon Peter, Peter said, ‘Master, You wash my feet?’ Jesus answered, ‘You don’t understand now what I am doing, but it will be clear enough to you later.’ Peter then persisted, ‘You’re not going to wash my feet -ever!’

Jesus said, ‘If I don’t wash you, you can’t be part of what I am doing.’  ’Master!’ said Peter. ‘Not only my feet, then. Wash my hands! Wash my head!’ (13:6-9).

It is so easy for service to be something that we ‘do to others’ with an air of superiority or even smugness because we think we know better. This is what is so remarkable about Jesus who is able to patiently explain to Peter what He was doing, even though Peter at this stage in his life could make no sense of it. Peter moved from one extreme to the other by going from refusing to have his feet washed to offering his entire body to be cleaned! Jesus was able to explain to him a much higher purpose to what He was doing.

5. He taught servanthood by His example.

After He had finished washing their feet, He took His robe, put it back on and went back to His place at the table. Then He said, ‘Do you understand what I have done to you? You address me as Teacher and Master, and rightly so. This is what I am. So if I, the Master and Teacher, washed your feet, then you must now wash each other’s feet. I’ve laid a pattern for you.’ (13:12-15)

As the ultimate Level 5 Leader Jesus powerfully exemplifies this paradoxical blend of personal humility and at the same a very clear determination to make a dramatic effect for the good of His disciples and ultimately the world.

This powerfully illustrates the following:

- to grow as a servant leader does not mean gaining more rights and privileges as you grow and reach for the top but actually surrendering them

- everyone likes to be thought of as a servant by others, but no one actually likes to be treated like one.

- we would all love to wash Jesus’ feet, but we are commanded to wash each other’s fee.

- Christ brings freedom, but as a leader I must surrender my freedom for the sake of others.

5. He was able to show by His example the way to ultimate fulfilment.

What I’ve done, you do. I’m only pointing out the obvious. A servant is not ranked above his master; an employee doesn’t give orders to the employer. If you understand what I’m telling you, act like it – and live a blessed life. (13:16-17)

By blessed Jesus means a life in all its fulness and richness – body, mind, soul, spirit and relationships.

What could be worth more to live for? Here is how the late Dr Albert Schweitzer put it:

“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know; the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”

So over to you.

How does the art of the basin and towel speak into your life?

Please feel free to comment below.

In our previous post on the law of addition we looked at how leaders add value through service.

Truly serving others and having an attitude of service is a rare quality in today’s world. In his classic management book ‘Good to Great’ Jim Collins introduces the concept of the level 5 leader. He describes the level 5 leader as the kind of person at the heart of organisations and companies that excel and thrive for the long haul, literally over many decades. He helpfully distinguishes between the following levels of leadership:

Level 1 would de described as a a highly capable individual. They get the job done and they can be be relied on to do that.

Level 2 is a contributing team member. They would be someone who could contribute their individual capabilities to the objectives of the organisation or the team and is able to look beyond their own individual job role. They work effectively with others in a group setting.

Level 3 is a competent manager. That is someone who can take responsibility for the direction of the team by organising people and resources toward the effective and efficient pursuit of pre-determined objectives. They don’t just see what needs to be done by others, they actually go out of their way to bring it about.

Level 4 is an effective leader. This is someone who can catalyse commitment to and vigorous pursuit of a clear and compelling vision to the team to stimulate high performance standards. However, this is from their own personal and professional perspective.

Level 5 have what is described as this paradoxical blend of personal humility and at the same a very strong professional will to move beyond their own corner and interests to make a consistent dramatic effect for the good of the whole organisation.

What was unique about these individuals was they were:

-Committed to building enduring success into their organisations.

- Were clear about setting their successors up for success (unlike level 4 leaders who were basically more openly self seeking).

- Talking about the company and others, but declining to discuss themselves.

- Ordinary people producing extraordinary results.

- Most likely to come from within the company, not outside of it.

- Quick to give credit outside themselves when there was success, while at the same time taking personal responsibility when things went badly

- Distinctive in their approach to the people they wanted in the organisation.

In many ways they are able to illustrate the example of wonder-filled bold humility we have mentioned in a previous post. This is the height of servant leadership as it looks way beyond self interest to the interest of others and making a lasting difference and impact after the leader has gone.

This is how Jim Collins describes these level 5 leaders::

“Level 5 leaders channel their ego needs away from themselves and into the larger goal of building a great company. It’s not that Level 5 leaders have no ego or self-interest. Indeed they are incredibly ambitious - but their ambition is first and foremost for the institution, not themselves.”

What is particularly interesting about these level 5 leaders with their extreme attitude to service is that Collins in his research initially excluded the unique role these individuals were making to what he calls good-to-great companies. However, so consistent were his findings, backed by empirical research, that he found himself forced to conclude that they were an intrinsic component of a good-to-great company. Also what was a further surprise is that such individuals go  ”against the grain of conventional wisdom, especially the belief that we need “larger-than-life saviours with big personalities to transform companies” .

As I share these ideas I am aware that you may or may not be called to work in a company or organisation. However, these concepts of levels of leadership I think helpfully illustrate levels of service and ultimately adding value to others.

So how about you?

What thoughts and ideas does this concept of level 5 leadership raise for you?

The 5th law from John Maxwell’s classic book ‘The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership’ states that leaders add value by serving others. That sounds so obvious and simple, but in a world that emphasises titles and position,  it is so easily overlooked.

Service itself is a widely used word in society. Unfortunately, because it is so widely used there can be a degree of cynicism about it. Can leaders really be guided by principles of service and not just self-interest? Where do I find the inner strength and resources to serve others and not be self-seeking?

If we are serious about making a difference in our endeavours , then the key issue is not how far we advance ourselves, but rather how far we can help others move forward in their lives. Or to put it even more bluntly, are you making things better or worse for the people around you? It is not something that we very often consciously think about, but if you cannot give some evidence of making things better for those around you, then you are probably not doing so and are likely to be actually subtracting from them in some way.

Ways to bring about change through others include:

Force -  the person has no choice.

Intimidation – the person is pushed.

Manipulation – the person is coerced.

Exchange – the person trades something for something else.

Persuasion – the person is convinced.

Motivation – the person willingly wants to act.

Honour – the person is honoured by the leader and so responds accordingly.

The first 3 ways (force, intimidation and manipulation) are self-seeking. Exchange, which in most cases is in the form of a pay cheque, has its place, but will only go so far. As someone has said, you can buy someone’s hand, but not their heart. It is true service that ultimately persuades, motivates and gives honour. We use the phrase servant leader to describe such a person.

Here is how Martin Luther King put it:

“Everybody can be great…. because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

So how do we practically serve others by adding value?

1. By truly valuing others in the first place.

Unless I see you as intrinsically valuable  I will not want to serve you. How can I ensure I am nor faking this or being insincere? This is not about making others feeling they are important as much as believing in your heart that they are important. As a disciple of Christ I am continually reminded that because of Christ’s ultimate sacrifice every individual has intrinsic worth. (For more on this see the post entitled A Day that Changed the World.)

2. By making ourselves more valuable to others.

The simple truth is that you cannot give what you do not have. What do you have in terms of skills and experience that can be of benefit to others? If it is something that has cost you in terms of time or resources or even pain or difficulty, that can be of enormous service to others. The more intentional you are about this then the more you will have to offer others.

3. By knowing and relating to what others value.

How can I know what you value? Only by getting along side you and listening to you. I need to see the world through your eyes and your frame of reference and not just my own. We talked about that in the post on 5 levels of listening.

4. By doing things that God values.

If I truly see you and the world the way God does (with compassion and your ultimate good in mind) then I will be less preoccupied with my own self-interest and selfish desires. One powerful way to develop that is to make it a habit to secretly do small acts of service for others.

In many ways it is much easier to talk about a servant attitude than to live with such an attitude. In church circles it is often thought a complement to be called ‘a servant of Christ’. However, when I am really treated like a servant, when I am told to do something that seems beneath me or trivial, when I am  overlooked or ignored then my true attitude comes out! Being called a servant does not feel as nice as actually being treated like one!

A question for self-reflection: in situations where you are required to serve others needs, how do you respond?

How does the law of addition impact your life?

What suggestions do you have for adding value to others through service?

Please add your suggestions and comments below.

We have been exploring this idea of wonder-filled bold humility from the perspective of gratitude and the created world around us. You can find out more about that at part 1 and part 2 of this short series.

If you have not had a chance to watch the video above (and even if you have, it’s worth watching again) I would encourage you to take out 6 minutes to take in its simple, but profound message.

But it is also possible to explore wonder-filled bold humility in an even deeper way. To go deeper requires an understanding of how and where do I find a sense of acceptance? How do I know I am measuring up – that is, living up to a certain standards, either my own self- decided ones,  or to an external set prescribed by my faith (if I profess to follow one)?

Tim Keller in his very helpful book ‘The Reason for God,’ puts it like this (page 180) when addressing the issue of our identity and self-regard:

“In a religious framework, if you feel you are living up to your chosen religious standards, then you feel superior and disdainful toward those who are not following in the true path. This is true whether your religion is of a more liberal variety (in which case you will feel superior to bigots and narrow-minded people) or of a more conservative variety (in which case you will feel superior to the less moral and devout). If you are not living up to your chosen standards, then you will be filled with a loathing toward yourself. You will feel far more guilt than if you had stayed away from God and religion altogether.”

In many ways I find Keller’s insights extremely helpful in explaining my own personal life experience and spiritual journey (you can watch a 15 minute video on how that started here), particularly with regard to my own negative feelings. The oscillation between extreme self-coonfidence (also known as arrogance!) and self-loating can be traced back to my understanding of how Jesus’ death and resurrection applied to my life and impacted the way I viewed myself. Keller goes onto describe his own experience which I can very much identify with:

“When I was performing up to my standards – in academic work, professional achievement, or relationships – I felt confident but not humble. I was likely to be proud and unsympathetic to failing people. When I was not living up to standards, I felt humble but not confident, a failure….”

This leads us onto how understanding the implications of Jesus’ death and resurrection can be so powerful. I have written about these two events in previous blog posts entitled A Day that Changed the World and 4 Personal Implications of the Resurrection). Keller expands on this by explaining what is meant by the Gospel. I will let him carry on:

“…I discovered, however, that the gospel contained the resources to build a unique identity. In Christ I could know I was accepted by grace not only despite my flaws, but because I was willing to admit them. The Christian Gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and snivelling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less. I don’t need to notice myself – how I am doing, how I’m being regarded – so often.”

This, I have come to believe, is the secret to lasting wonder-filled bold humility. My sense is that, although I certainly have a long way to go, that journey has started for me. The first step is understanding and internalising the Gospel message, as described above, into my own personal life story. The rest of life is then about applying the implications of the Gospel into every area of my life.

How about you?

How does this journey to wonder-filled bold humility resonate (or not) with you?

Please feel free to share your thoughts and observations below.

We have been exploring the phrase ‘wonder-filled bold humility’. In the last blog post we looked at how a spirit of gratitude is closely linked to what we called an ‘appropriate godly fear’.

If you have not seen the video from part 1 you may find that helpful to look at that below. And if you have already seen it, you may well find the 6 minute reflection a refreshing tonic to get perspective from whatever has been preoccupying your mind  these last few minutes.

The more you look at the scientific background the more incredible the statistics become.

Take for example the vastness of the galaxy we live in.

There are apparently 400 billion stars in our Milky Way galaxy alone, and there are estimated to be over 100 billion galaxies in the universe. Just hearing those numbers can make us somewhat numb. We have to experience something of those numbers. To get an idea of the enormity of the universe, imagine that the thickness of a sheet of paper represented the distance between the earth and the sun or what we know to be about 92 million miles. Then the nearest star would be represented by a stack of paper 70 feet high and the distance across to the nearest galaxy would be a stack of paper 120 miles high! The universe is so filled with galaxies that ours is just a dust speck.

That is awe inspiring and was articulated in Psalm 8 by the Jewish King David around 3000 years ago, when he wrote well before the time of great telescopes:

“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?”

King David all those years ago was absolutely amazed at the stars and sky above him and we today with all our technology and ability to gaze into space have even more reason to be amazed. These verses tell us that God has set this whole universe in place and holds it as you or I might hold a contact lens on our finger.

How do we know that we matter to God, and that he is “mindful” of human beings? Well, this immense and awesome God is not just concerned with the stars and the planets. He also created you and me! I spent 6 years studying the human body to become a doctor. I can tell you, that for me, it was really hard work- the only major exams I got through first time were finals. Studying medicine for me was rather brutal, because there was so much to learn.

One of my regrets is that in the struggle to pass exams it was so easy to lose the sense of wonder about the human body and mind that God has made. In my day job I work as a psychiatrist. Although I trained as a doctor, what gives me a sense of wonder-filled bold humility is thinking about how the mind works.

As an example of that, according to Richard Palmer and Chris Pope in their book ‘Brain Train’, the estimated number of atoms in the known universe is 1 followed by 100 zeros or:

10 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000

Wikipedia gives a slightly (!) smaller number of 1 followed by between 78 to 80 zeros.

Even so, whatever way you look at it , that is certainly a big number!

But the number of interneuronal connections in 1 human brain- even yours! – is actually 1 followed by 800 zeros. Look at this:

10 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000

In other words the potentiality in one human brain is far greater than all the atoms in the universe!

However according to Professor Petr Kouzmich Anokhin of Moscow University, when he summarised the results of his 60 year investigation into the nature of our brain cells, he stated in 1973:

“We can show that each of the 10 billion neurones (side note, according to the Economist of  18 May 2013 it should actually be 100 billion) in the human brain have the possibility of the connection of 1 with 28 noughts after it! If a single neurone has this quality and potential, we can hardly imagine what the whole brain can do. What it means is the the total number of possible combinations/ permutations in the brain, if written out, would be 1 followed by 10.5 million kilometres of noughts!”

‘No human yet exists who can use all the potential of his or her brain. This is why we don’t accept any pessimistic estimates of the limits of the brain, it is unlimited!’

There are so many examples of this and yet we choose to live life without this conscious awareness that we are, using the words of King David once again, “fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Or to state it using more recent observation, from The Economist of 18 May 2013, “The human brain is the most complex object in the known universe.”

How about you?

What is your experience of understanding wonder-filled bold humility?

It would be great to have your thoughts and reflections.

In our blog post on wisdom, emotional intelligence and an appropriate godly fear one of the definitions we used for an appropriate godly fear was the phrase “wonder-filled bold humility”.

Fear in today’s time and culture is a strange word to use as it can conjure up images of being bullied or terrorised. That is a million miles from what we are trying to convey by the phrase ‘appropriate godly fear’. However, explaining appropriate godly fear as wonder-filled bold humility carries with it an enormous richness and depth about what we have been given in this life. In many ways it is the only logical response as we try to make sense of the wonder and enormity of the life we have been given and the universe that we belong to.

The short 6 minute video below beautifully illustrates this.

I encourage you to stop for the next few minutes and drink in the message being presented:

The point being made is the amazing gift of life that we enjoy each day. It often takes a tragedy or misfortune to make us realise this. How much better to see that now or sooner rather than later!

The narrator in the video powerfully states:

“You think this is just another day in your life. Its  not just another day – its the one day that has been given to you today. Its a gift. Its the only gift that you have right now and the only appropriate response is gratefulness. If you do nothing else, but cultivate that great response to the unique gift this day is; if you learn to respond as if it were the first day in your life and the very last day, then you will have spent this day well.”

He then proceeds to challenge us about the many things we take for granted  - the gift of sight; the vastness of the sky; the richness of human relationship and the ready availability of resources like electricity and drinkable water.

There are so many amazing facts about our existence:

Sir James Jeans, a famous British astronomer, once said: “The universe appears to have been designed by a pure Mathematician.” For him, as for many, the order of the earth and the solar system points to a master planner. So take, for example, the fact that the earth is tilted at an angle of exactly 23 degrees. Scientists tell us that if the angle were even slightly different, the earth would gradually be encased by an ice cap. It has to be exactly 23 degrees to work.

Furthermore, in his book, ‘The Reason for God,’ Tim Keller quotes the scientist Francis Collins:

“When you look from the perspective of a scientist at the universe, it looks as if it knew we were coming. There are 15 constants – the gravitational constants, various constants about the strong and weak nuclear forces, etc – that have precise values. If any one of these constants was off by even one part in a million, or in some cases, one part in a million million, the universe could not have actually come to the point where we see it. Matter would not have been able to coalesce, there would have been no galaxy, stars, planets or people.”

How does the video above and these comments resonate with you?

How can we keep an attitude of wonder-filled bold humility in the busyness and stress of day to day life?

It would be great to have your thoughts below:

One of the most obvious ways we see the impact of culture is in all the activity that goes on around the area of food.

I am of Indian Punjabi origin and it is interesting how food is such an important part of life. When a host asks you if you want to eat something it is customary to be asked on several occasions and to keep refusing before finally agreeing on the fourth or fifth request. I didn’t realised how ingrained this was within me until after I moved away from home and experienced hospitality from different cultures. By contrast one request was the only chance  you got and if you were expecting further opportunities to be asked if you wanted food then it was too late!

Below are some interesting cultural habits around food. The habit is described and I have left a space for you to try to try guess which country it is from. The answers are at the bottom of the post – don’t scroll down too fast if you want to try to guess the answers!

1. In which country must you never touch food or eat anything with your fingers during a meal?

2. During meal times very little talk takes place however small talk often talks place over tea in which country?

3. If you have finished your drink of tea or broth turn your gown (you drink out of these in the country) upside-down to indicate that you have had enough, or the hosts will simply refill your bowl.

4. When dining together, it is considered respectful to wait for the host or hostess to take the first bite of their food before you eat. Where is this generally the rule?

5. To eat noisily (especially to slurp) is to show appreciation of a meal and is a compliment to the chef in which country?

6. Whenever you catch the eye of someone who’s eating (stranger or not) say ‘enjoy’ (in their language!) is good manners and is the norm. Where?

7. Eating from individual plates strikes most in this country as hilarious, bizarre and wasteful. Food is practically always shared from a single plate without the use of cutlery.

8. If you are having a snack in a cafe in this country it is totally fine to drop your litter on the cafe floor once you have finished! Which country is this?

9. It is the height of rudeness not to get eye contact while clinking glasses with one another in this country. Where? 

10. It is very normal to start a dinner party at 8 and leave after an early breakfast the following morning (4/5 am) in which country?

And the answers:

1. Bolivia

2. Vietnam

3. Kazakhstan

4. United Kingdom

5. Japan

6. Mexico

7. Ethiopia

8. Spain

9. Austria

10.Ecuador

I am grateful to Nicola Woollatt and Anna Bishop for their research and my wife Sally for directing me to these interesting examples. If it is any consolation I only got one right!

How did you do?

Do you have any interesting cultural stories around food?

In our previous posts (see part 1 and part 2) on emotional intelligence and wisdom we have concluded with the following quotes from the Old Testament book of Proverbs using the Message translation of the original Hebrew:

“Start with God – the first step in learning is bowing down to God; only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning.” (1:7)

“A simple life in the Fear-of-God is better than a rich life with a ton of headache.” (15:16)

‘Fear-of-God is a school in skilled living – first you learn humility, then you experience glory.” (15:33)

These short succinct quotes are like ‘tweets’ from God!

The first quote is translated in the New International Version in English as:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

From the Scripture a clear link is made between the fear of God and the preliminary first steps in wisdom or emotional intelligence. We previously defined wisdom as capability in the complexities of life when the rules don’t help. 

Wisdom is skill in the art of living. We can appreciate and applaud the skill of an athlete or a football or cricket player, but just as much preparation and skill is needed to develop in the art of living life with all its complexities and challenges. And how much more so in our media saturated and technologically driven world?

But what is the place of fear?

It seems such an odd word to use. Is this an example of God being a tyrant forcing us to bend to His rules and requirements?

A much better understanding of godly fear is found in the following succinct and potent definitions from Tim Keller:

- wonder filled bold humility.

The combination of boldness and humility seems strange, but ti powerfully sums up the kind of life that results when I am able to balance the power, magnificence and majesty of God with the realisation that in Christ I am completely loved and accepted. As I grow in that realisation, then I am less preoccupied with what others think of me and free to grow in God’s calling on my life. I can be both humble and bold at the same time.

- being afraid of what life would be like without Him and being grateful that because of His love we will never have to face such despair (there is more on this under the posts entitled A Day That Changed The World and 4 Personal Implications of the Resurrection.)

- Hungering for all that God is and all that He has for us.

Defining fear in such terms is life-transforming and opens us up to an incredible world of opportunities and possibilities. It takes the focus off myself and my petty concerns, and brings about a healthy respect for myself and the world I find myself in. I am not a random piece of humanity, but I am intricately connected to others from the past, present and future. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My life and your life, ordinary as it may appear on the surface has intrinsic value and purpose.

I return to the following comments by C.S. Lewis that powerfully illustrate this appropriate godly fear:

“It is a serious thing to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talked to may one day be a creature which if you saw it now you would strongly be tempted to worship or else a horror and corruption such as you now meet if at all only in a nightmare. All day long we are in some degrees helping each other to one of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all love, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nature, culture, art, civilisation. These are mortal and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat.”

How do you bring together these concepts of wisdom, emotional intelligence and an appropriate level of Godly fear?

Please feel free to leave your thoughts below.

In our last post we introduced the subject of wisdom and emotional intelligence.

We defined it as ‘ capability in the complexities of life when the rules don’t help.’ We need wisdom and emotional intelligence for questions like:

Should I marry this person or not?
Should I hire that person or take on this job?
Should I speak up and challenge what is said or is it more appropriate to say nothing?

There is no straightforward textbook answer to questions like those – you need wisdom and emotional intelligence.

Wisdom and emotional intelligence also explain that other paradox of life. Why is it some people can do very well at school or academically, but in the world of work, or generally in life be so weak? And this can apply in other ways as well – being so capable professionally and yet such a failure at home or inter-personally.

The entrepreneur Richard Branson illustrates this. At age 16 his school report stated, ‘Either this boy will become a multimillionaire or he will end up in prison.’ There was something about his gifts and abilities that showed a certain genius which needed to be appropriately channelled.

In the world of work, people are hired for their technical skills, but it is their emotional intelligence skills that enable them to progress and get promoted.

When it comes to emotional intelligence there is both good news and bad news.

The bad news is that overall levels of emotional intellgience seem to be declining. Overall levels among children of depression, withdrawal, anxiety, attention deficit and delinquency all seem to be on the rise.

However, on the plus side, emotional intelligence is a skill that can be taught and learnt. Through the process of thinking, reflection and self awareness (see part 1 and part 2) we can learn and grow from our past experiences.

Tools to help us enhance our emotional intelligence include:

1. Getting clarity on what it is we want to achieve and do.

What is it I actually want and where do I want to go? Is what is happening in my life something I actually want and how much is in my control? What do I take responsibility for ?

2. Understand yourself.

In order to know what it is you want you also need to know what is important to you – your values. What is most important to me about my job, my family, my hobbies, my interests, my personal and spiritual development?

3. Manage your moods.

This is about identifying your emotional states as they happen, understanding how they can affect you and then using emotions purposefully and appropriately to bring about meaningful goals. In the blog post entitled Time Management  part 2 I talk about the role of appropriate energy management.

4. Understand others.

The ability to see the world through the eyes of another person is not automatic. It includes learning how to listen appropriately, to build consensus and rapport and manage conflict in a constructive way. As John Maxwell likes to say, ‘No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.’ Finding a path through conflict also includes the 101% rule – find the 1 % you can agree on and give it your 100% attention.

5. Self- motivation.

How can I pace myself for the long haul and keep persevering in spite of setbacks and obstacles that will invariably come my way?

As I hope you can see this is a huge area. However, I invariably find myself going back to ancient wisdom in the Old Testament book of Proverbs. The following provocative quotes are taken from the Message translation of the original Hebrew:

“Start with God – the first step in learning is bowing down to God; only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning.” (1:7)

“A simple life in the Fear-of-God is better than a rich life with a ton of headache.” (15:16)

‘Fear-of-God is a school in skilled living – first you learn humility, then you experience glory.” (15:33)

How about you?

What are your thoughts and questions about developing wisdom and skills in the art of living life?

Feel free to put your thoughts and comments below.

We have talked in previous posts about the problem of data overload. Everywhere we look we see an exponential increase in the amount of information in every single subject. We find ourselves literally drowning in information.

The problem we find is that information in and of itself is insufficient to help us with the challenges we face.

More than information what we need is wisdom. What is wisdom?

Wisdom is a word that goes back thousands of years.

In Solomon’s proverbs collected by Hezekiah (715-686 BC) found in the book of Proverbs (chapter 26:4-5) we find the two following sentences next to each other:
“Do not answer a fool according to his folly or you will be like him yourself.”
“Answer a fool according to his folly or he will be wise in his own eyes.”

The surprising thing is that although they are next to each to other, they are actually saying opposite things. How can that be? Why the apparent contradiction – when some one says something foolish, its best to keep quiet or you too will be foolish. Alternatively, when someone says something foolish you had better speak up or that person will think he is being sensible. Which one is correct?

It all depends on context. Sometimes when someone says something foolish it is best to remains silent and other times it  is very important to assert yourself and challenge. What you need is wisdom to decide what is most appropriate in the context in front of you.

Wisdom is capability in the complexities of life when the rules don’t help. Writers, philosophers and teachers over the years have grappled with this.

Aristotle in 350 BC puts it vividly when he says:

“Anyone can become angry- that is easy. But to be angry with the right person to the right degree, at the right time for the right purpose, and in the right way- that is not easy”.

In the 20th century wisdom was re-introduced through the writing of Daniel Goleman who talked about the idea of emotional intelligence. By that he means:

It is the capacity for recognising our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.

He then divides emotional intelligence (or wisdom) into 4 helpful categories:

Self-Awareness – or the capacity to understand your own emotions, strengths and feelings. It is the ability to think about your own thinking that we talked about in  previous posts (see Awareness part 1 and part 2)

Self-Management – or the ability to manage your own emotions, behaviour and motivation.

Social Awareness – this is the capacity to understand what others say and feel, along with why they feel and act as they do. It includes the ability to listen carefully as discussed in the post on 5 levels of listening and communication.

Relationship Management – or the capacity to act in such a way as to get desired results from others and reach personal goals.

What issues and questions does the subject of wisdom and emotional intelligence raise for you?

What is the relationship between IQ and emotional intelligence? We will explore that further in the next blog post.

Do feel free to leave your questions and comments.